This is a question lots of people ask and we understand why this will be very complex and individual to your relationship and experiences. Here are some reasons to help you or someone you may be supporting:

Danger & Fear – One of the most important reasons a person does not leave is because it can be incredibly dangerous. The fear that a person feels is very real. A partner may find it difficult to leave as they may not have the confidence or resources and they are at most risk of further serious/physical harm/homicide at that time.

Isolation – Domestic abuse very often relies on isolating a partner or ex-partner: the abuser works to weaken their relations with family and friends, making it extremely difficult to seek support. Abusers will often try and reduce contact with the outside world to prevent he/she/they from recognising that the abuser’s behaviour is abusive and wrong. Isolation leads a person becoming extremely dependent on their abuser.

Denial, Shame and Embarrassment – Abusers are often well respected or liked in their communities because they are charming and manipulative. This prevents people recognising the abuse which in turn isolates the person. The abuser most often minimises, denies or blames the abuse on the other party. The person may also be ashamed or make excuses to themselves and others to cover up the abuse.

Low Confidence & Trauma – When a person is told on a daily basis that “you’re worthless” this can have a significant impact on their self-esteem. If the person has very limited freedom to make decisions in an abusive relationship, they are often traumatised and regularly told ‘you couldn’t manage on your own, you need me’. The fear is constant and they remain in a world of everyday terror.

Financial Constraints – Abusers often control every aspect of the person’s life – making it impossible for them to have a job or financial independence. By controlling access to money, people are left unable to support themselves or their children.

BAME & Honour-Based Violence – Additional barriers a BAME person may experience can include social ostracism or rejection and emotional pressure, denial of access to children, pressure to go or move abroad, house arrest and excessive restrictions of freedom, denial of access to the telephone, internet, or passport/keys documentation, isolation from friends and own family, not being able to speak their own language or being prevented from practising their faith/religion. For example, they may: fear stereotyping or racism from agencies and feel reluctant to ask them for help, have language needs, not feel they are being listened to; understood or heard. They may have fear of deportation due to their immigration or asylum status.

LGBT++ – LGBT+ people may be manipulated into believing that there is no help available to them because they are LGBT+. They may also be told that abusive behaviours are ‘normal’ in LGBT+ relationships, or that LGBT+ people cannot experience domestic abuse. Abuse from family members is sometimes not recognised as abuse and written off as a ‘family dispute’ or having ‘different values’. LGBT+ people experiencing domestic abuse might feel that domestic abuse services are not for them or may not understand what has happened to them. Barriers may include threatening to disclose their romantic or sexual orientation, gender identity, gender history, or HIV status without their consent, pressuring them to keep their identity or relationship secret, undermining their romantic or sexual orientation and/or gender identity, using their hormones or gender-affirming medication to control them as well as trying to change or supress their orientation or gender identity.